


Jumping Off Schedule

by twowritehands



Category: The Middle
Genre: CockSlut!Axl, Friends to Lovers, M/M, True Love, Virgin!Sean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-20
Updated: 2016-05-20
Packaged: 2018-06-09 11:03:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6903259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twowritehands/pseuds/twowritehands
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Axl and Sean start dating, Axl decides to give it everything he's got.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jumping Off Schedule

Axl stretches out on the kitchen seat and looks up through the charred hole in the roof of his RV. The stars are out tonight, beautiful in their unchangeable simplicity. He finds the big dipper and Orion’s belt and ends up, as star gazers often do, thinking about time. A little about the past and then a bunch about the future.

His own is still so up in the air. What job should he go for? What job will he actually get? Where will he live? And who with?

Axl has never lived alone in his life. The idea doesn't sound appealing, like, at all. No one to greet when he walks in the door? No one to help with chores or bills? No one to talk to until he falls asleep? If he can help it, he’d like to skip that disaster entirely. Fortunately for him, he has come of age in an era where having roommates well into one's thirties is acceptable common practice. So he is set there. Well, unless Hutch and Kenny can't move to whatever city his big job is in. Then he’ll get new roommates. Or, like, shack up with a girlfriend or a boyfriend.

Watching the stars shine endlessly down on the ancient planet, thinking about time and how frightfully little of it he has left in college makes Axl feel the crushing grind of the wheel of time. Heavy. Holy shit is it heavy!

He should really start now. If he wants to be in a relationship that can possibly stand moving to that sort of cohabitation level next year then he should already be dating that person! His stomach twists at the idea. Is he just totally screwing up his life? What had he done on that front lately? Oogled a few halter tops, started wearing cowboy boots, and signed up on grindr.

Idiot, he berates himself. Halter tops might be worth a small house fire, snake skin boots might be worth a rash, and grindr has certainly paid for itself by now but someone to come home to? Priceless. He shouldn't be looking for a good time. He should be looking for a best friend that he can marry one day.

Devin? Or Taco, maybe. Or Sean?

Sean. Now there is a rich thought. Axl’s mind has zero trouble imagining scenes with that guy. He actually has talked to him until falling asleep. Living together, splitting everything 50-50? Sean would be so on top of the chore chart and if they argued about it then it wouldn't be so bad. Axl has already argued with Sean so many times that it hardly matters what is said or done, he knows that given just a little time to calm down they always become best friends again in one or two exchanges.

Would sex really mess any of that up?

Axl thinks about it. And then he can't stop thinking about it. His limited experience with men has been thus far part of his search for identity. Bisexuality isn't as easy or fun as it might sound. Too many options and very clouded feelings make it easy to retreat to familiar territory. In Axl’s case, that’s girls. For Sean, it’s the abstinence program and his spirituality. The dude is practically a virgin, which, fuck, only makes him that much cuter. Dating Sean would be like winning the freaking lottery.

“I need a sign,” Axl moans softly under his breath. Part of him wants to go for it right now; find his phone, send a text, get this crushing wheel of time off his chest and get his real adult life started already. But a more cautious part of him begs he consider all the outcomes. Yes,maybe they can start dating and really hit it off and it can get messy but they figure it all out together and grow closer and stronger as a couple and by the time they are thirty they are a successful, happily married couple with a house and a dog, talking to adoption agencies.

Or they could date and have fun for a minute and then things get messy, but they break up and it is never the same anymore and a huge--huge-- part of Axl’s life--at least half of it--is forever poisoned by the heartbreak.

Axl grabs his phone off the kitchen counter and looks back up at the stars. It’s the age old question. To text or not to text?

One tiny silver shoot of light flashes across Axl’s swath of night sky. It is quick, but his eye catches it. A shooting star. His chest expands with his long draw of breath. He smiles.

He texts.

I need someone to talk to. Will you be in Orson tomorrow?

Sean’s answer comes swiftly. If you need me there, buddy, then I’m there.

Axl smiles at the classic example of Sean’s undying loyalty and friendship; he’d make a great boyfriend. He tosses the phone to the side and returns his attention to the stars.

: : :

Sitting on the hood of Axl’s car, they look down into the abyss of the quarry under a setting sun. Axl reiterates his thoughts from the night before concerning a roommate, and how he would prefer it to be someone he is in a committed relationship with, and how that means he should be starting a real adult relationship now.

“Dude,” Sean grins at him, “I don’t have the whole world figured out, but I know that making plans so detailed that you have a deadline on when to fall in love--that kind of thing is what God laughs at. You know?”

Axl sags back against his windshield and groans, but a part of him is comforted by the mention of God. These last few years Sean has gotten so New Age he stopped using the language of the church they both grew up in. He likes that Sean has chosen to adopt those phrases once again. It’s comforting; like so much of Sean has always been.

“I’m just so ready to give my whole heart to someone,” Axl admits. “Me and Devin--Sue’s right, I totally could have married her. But, you know, it didn’t work out that way. She’s done with me, and I’ve come to terms with that. I just--I don’t want her, specifically. I want what I had with her. A best friend to have sex with, and to go out into the big wide real world with, you know? Start a life with after college. It has to be someone I trust if I’m going to leave Indiana. That’s huge. It can’t just be anyone.”

“Absolutely.”

“Besides, Mom and Dad were engaged by the time they were my age.”

“Your parents are awesome, Ax,” Sean says and Axl knows he means it. Sean has always had a parent-crush on the Hecks. “But you don’t have to take the path they laid down for you.”

Axl huffs, “Pretty sure I stepped off Dad’s path when I fucked Taco.”

Sean laughs heartily, “As far we know, maybe.”

Axl groans, “Yughck, don’t give me those images, dude! It’s my dad!” But he descends into snorts and giggles with Sean.

“So you don’t trust Taco enough to be the guy? I mean you trusted him enough to pop your cherry.”

Axl breathes out, fluttering his lips like a horse, “He’s cool--but he’s like three years younger than me. And he’s probably gonna get drafted straight into the NFL when he graduates. You know how closeted those guys are. I don’t need that.”

Sean grunts in agreement. “Yeah that’s what happened with me and Josh. I mean I couldn’t even hold his hand on the way to class. He kept introducing me as ‘just a friend’. It’s no way to live. Not for me anyway.”

Axl rolls onto his side and without adjusting his position, he ends up quite close to the other young man. “I’ve been thinking about you a lot, actually,” he says. He watches as Sean’s eyes dart to him, the sky, the rocks below, and then color tints his cheeks. Axl grins and stays where he is, practically inside Sean’s personal space, “Some people say sex ruins friendships. Agree or disagree?”

Sean’s bottom lip rolls between his teeth. “Disagree?”

The sound that escapes Axl then is an honest to god guffaw because of how much he really needed to hear that answer, “Really? Because you don’t sound sure.”

“I--” Sean stops and clears his throat, “I think about you, too.”

To that, Axl drops a hand on Sean’s stomach and moves in a hair closer as a chuckled, “Good,” drops from his lips.

“I think about,” Sean continues, “How great we could be--”

“--Me, too--”

“--And how much I trust you--”

“--Totally--”

“But, dude, I’m not sure I'm in a place where I can make something that lasts. And the last thing I want to do is screw up my chance with you, because like I said, we’d be great.”

“Sean,” Axl grins, “I've never seen you fail at anything you really wanted to do.”

“Thanks, but this is so much bigger than anything else. I mean, don't you think? And look at me: I’m not any where near as experienced as you. You know what you want, and you know that you’ll be in business when you graduate. I have literally no idea what I’m looking for in life. What if--I don't know--what if when I figure that out, it doesn't line up with what you want? Then where will we be?”

Axl breathes out, and after a minute he says, “I think if something feels right, and makes you happy, you can't try to control when it’s allowed to happen. People can't be put on hold, man. That's essentially what Devin did to me. It's not cool.”

“Shit,” Sean breaths, “You're right. I’m sorry. I didn't think of it like that.”

“It's OK. I get what you meant. You want to be careful because of what our friendship means to you. I totally get that.” Axl slides the hand on Sean’s stomach up to his chest, “But sometimes it's just time to jump and--dude, how cool would it be to jump with your best friend?”

All at once, Sean surges up, a hand gripping the back of Axl’s head, and their mouths meld together. Axl fists Sean’s shirt.

Like Axl knew it would be, the kiss is amazing; the scratch of Sean’s beard, the cool intrusion of his tongue, the way he puts his fingers through Axl’s hair and hums into the kiss.

The make out session stretches on as neither is ever willing to allow breaks for air to be the end. Axl rolls half onto Sean at first but then somehow Sean presses back until they have rolled and he’s pressing Axl into the windshield, and they continue like that: mouths locked, hands pawing at one another, rolling one way then the other there on the hood.

When their breathes get stale and their lips are numb, the kissing comes to a natural end. They slide down from the cold metal of the car, climb in and Axl starts her up, peeling out of there in a spray of gravel.

“So,” Sean says, taking Axl’s hand, “I have some news.”

“Yeah?” Axl asks, squeezing Sean’s hand.

“I wanted it to be a surprise, so I haven't told anyone. Not even my parents. I’ve been taking online courses each summer, so I'm graduating at the end of this semester, right before Christmas.”

“DUDE!” Axl cries with a beaming smile, “You're graduating early?”

Sean’s got that smile he gets when he is proud of himself but trying to stay humble, “Yeah. Which means I can move closer to Gunford. We won't have to do the long distance thing for the rest of the year.”

At this, Axl’s spirits soar, “Dude that would be so awesome!”

“You like the idea?”

“I love it!” Axl returns instantly but then he pauses and frowns, “So, what will you do while you’re there? Just get a local job or something?”

“Yeah, maybe something part time,” Sean says, “But I've already been looking into it. Dude, there are like five different tech schools near you, a couple of art schools and even a culinary academy. I was thinking maybe I get a second degree, you know something I can knock out in half a year. Something that I could be passionate about. You know?”

Axl beams, “That sounds awesome.”

:: :: ::

Axl shares the exciting development with his roommates the next time he sees them. He ends up explaining his plans to live with his boyfriend after college and Hutch brightens like a lamp, sits up straight and splays his fingers on the table in front of him. “That is amazing news, Axl! It’s perfect!”

“Really? How?”

“My Pops has to move into assisted living, he just asked me to take care of his house! I was all worried how to tell you I'm moving out, but this way your boy can move in!”

“What?” Axl’s voice jumps half an octave. “I don't know about that.”

“Well, have you talked to him?”

“No, but KENNY! Kenny, you don't want to live with a couple of lovebirds, do ya?”

Kenny looks down. Hutch pats his shoulder. Axl looks between them and sags. “No! You're moving in with Hutch?”

“I got better power outlets dude.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Axl pouts.

“I'd invite you to live there , too, ya know I would but it’s two bedrooms and you and Sean won't be happy on the couch.”

“So if Sean doesn't move in with me then I have to live alone?”

“Win/win, right?” Hutch asks. “And, Axl, for real, if you ever need to, you can always crash with us for a night or two.”

Axl smiles. “Thanks, guys.”

 

He thinks it over that night. There aren't any stars to look at, and they park under an overpass just in case it rains, so it is dark and loud. Cars and rigs rumble by close enough to rock the whole house. The thunder of wheels above, the gusts of wind, and the sweeping headlights are a man-made storm and Axl is soothed by it, but can he ask Sean to live like this? Would he even want to?

If he is being honest, Axl had already started to imagine a cool apartment with, like, real rooms and doors, to be ‘our first place’. When Sean agreed to jump in with him, he got this weirdly vivid idea of a studio apartment with exposed brick and a big tub. The kind of starter home a pair of college grads make together.

Will it be any fun to make that monumental step by not actually going anywhere? Assuming Sean is okay with moving in after only three months, would he like it here? Yes, it's super cramped and smelly but that's because three men live here. With just him and Sean...sharing this back room, it’d only be kind of cramped. They'd have a little space up front and it might not be so bad…

Axl falls asleep thinking about having Sean sleeping beside him, and that makes all the rest of it less important. His thoughts turn a little dirty when he very easily imagines popping Sean’s cherry in this very bed. Maybe that’s why it feels weird to ask him. They haven't done anything but make out. Axl doesn't want to pressure Sean by asking him to move in. He might think he has to give it up, it might freak him out. He might say no and need space.

Axl groans and buries his head in pillows. Maybe Axl needs space. Here he is trying to plan forever and Sean has already told him that it might not be forever. Sean can wake up one morning and realize he wants to be a doctor and then end up in Africa helping kids get vaccinations. Rushing to have sex just so that he can rush to live with him is the dumbest plan ever.

Maybe he should just suck it up and try to live alone, at least until Sean knows what he wants.Or he can find a temporary roommate. Someone on campus surely wouldn't mind living in a burned out ex meth lab with him for minimal expenses?

:: :: ::  
Hutch and Kenny end up staying for weeks longer than they initially plan. Hutch’s Pops is taking forever to get moved or something, but Axl doesn't mind. Now it’s looking like by the time the house is ready for them, it’ll be late November, and Sean will be a college grad, possibly in need of a place to live.

This has Axl reconsidering if he should invite Sean to move in after all. It seems silly, to ask a Donahue to live in this dump of an RV, with the dropping temperatures and the hole in the roof. But Axl has some plans to fix that before hard winter hits. It largely depends on getting a roommate to split the expense. Axl knows the last thing Sean wants to do is move back in with his parents. They can make it work, maybe.

As a lead-up to the invitation to live with him, Axl figures it's best to let Sean see the ‘Bago in its current state of disrepair.

The charred hole is still black with soot, as is the entire kitchen side. The stove is gone completely, destroyed beyond repair in the catastrophic grilled cheese incident. “We ditched it at the junkyard, less weight to carry, might save a few cents to the gallon. Plus, more standing space!” Axl squeezes himself into the small nook where the compact oven had been. Sean chuckles.

“I love how you can spin anything into a blessing.”

“There’s always a bright side. Just gotta look for it.”

Sean grabs him by the front of his shirt and reels him in nice and steady with a lascivious grin. His plain intention to fool around strikes Axl as a much more fun conversation than pitching that they move in together right away and getting shot down. Might as well put that off and have some fun now while he can.

Their shirts fall to the floor. As they kiss, Axl pushes Sean back against the bed until his knees bend, and he drops down onto the mattress. Axl sinks to his knees between Sean’s thighs and kisses a line down Sean’s prickly throat, over his hairy chest and stomach as his hands work to open Sean’s pants.

When he reaches the elastic waist of his boxers, he glances up at his boyfriend. Sean, bare chest rising and falling with labored breathing, gives him this bug-eyed expression, “Dude,” he says, voice shaky. He’s never done this. After losing his virginity with a one night stand freshman year, he’s been careful not to make that mistake again. Especially when he started dating boys. It’s his last chance to lose his virginity with someone special.

Axl waits for permission to go further. Sean takes three deep breathes, and then trembles and nods.

“You sure?”

Sean hesitates and nods again. Axl expels what little breath he has in his lungs and hangs his head. If this was anyone else, he’d have them upside down and naked by now, but it’s Sean and Axl remembers how depressed Sean had been for being weak in the moment and giving his virginity away for a cheap thrill.

He’ll be damned if he has any part in Sean making the same mistake twice. Even though it feels sacrilegious and lame as hell to stop right now, Axl reins himself in and moves away from Sean’s groin. Trailing light fingertips back up Sean’s body, Axl flips his hair out of his eyes and settles beside Sean. “Anything you decide right now is skewed by my godlike sex appeal. Maybe we should cool off.”

Pupils constricting slightly, Sean blinks and inhales deeply, rubs his face. “I know you’re right….you’re right…” he sighs and clears his throat. The bulge in his pants starts to fade. Axl likewise cools himself down by thinking of how miserable it would be to see this thing between them burn down with Sean accusing him of taking advantage. Because no matter how hot Axl can make it in the moment, if Sean regrets it in the morning, then it’s Game Over for good. No roommate, no boyfriend, no friend. He needs to be sure that anything he asks out of Sean is asked for the right reasons.

Axl rests on his stomach, eyes closed, thoughts steered into video games and power outlets….now the only outlet will belong to Axl. The whole RV will be his. He won’t have to vote where to park every night… That might be pretty cool, actually. What has he been afraid of? Living alone might be good for him...

“Axl?” Sean breaks into his thoughts. Opening his eyes, he sees that Sean looks very emotional. He rolls onto his back, bites his lip, adjusts the beanie, and clears his throat. “Man…” a shy glance, a lopsided smile. “You actually respected me.”

“Of course, dude,” Axl says. “What’s fun about taking advantage of my best friend?”

“This means a lot to me,” Sean says. He sounds a little more composed now. His lip isn’t trembling anymore. When he looks at Axl, he makes eye contact. “You’re a good guy, Axl.”

“It’s a fatal flaw.”

“No it’s not. But I’m going to go. Better not tempt the dragon twice in one night.”

“See? Fatal,” they laugh. “Call me later?”

“I will.”

Axl stays on the bed, watches Sean shrug on his shirt, readjust his hat, and step into his sandals. His ass is too cute. Maybe it really is a good idea for him to go now.

Before he dunks out of the door, Sean blows a kiss at him.

: : :

Two weeks later, Axl doesn’t even know what he has said but it has caused laughter to overtake Sean so completely he can’t breathe. They are in Axl’s bed, Pandora playing from Sean’s phone, taco bell wrappers spread between them with dollops of all the hot sauces arranged like oil paints on a palette. Sean has been using a shred of soft shell to “paint” a picture of a cat, but his skill seems to be lacking. Or maybe it’s the medium. Either way, he has virtually given up, though the entire thing has put him in a goofy mood and Axl seems to be some kind of comedic god.

Wheezing and crackling somehow at the same time, Sean is curled up like a bug trapped on it’s back, legs kicking. “Shit, that was good,” Sean says, breathlessly. He sucks on the hot-sauce tortilla brush, chortling. His unharassed, free joy isn't an actual light but it is making Sean glow somehow.

Axl doesn’t even realize he is staring until Sean looks self conscious. Snapping out of it, Axl shoves the last of his taco into his mouth and kicks all the wrappers out of the bed. Except for the sauce cat. He analyzes it with a critical brow. “Art school would probably teach you how to draw a cat.”

“I think as far as art school goes, if you can’t draw a cat to begin with it’s probably a waste of time. Besides, the idea is to have a vocation I can use. Not sure I have the passion it’ll take to turn sauce cat into a living.”

“So no on art school,” Axl mentally slashes that option off the list they have been keeping. “That still leaves beauty school and cooking school.”

“Tough choices. I love hair and food,” Sean says.

“And both translate well into jobs.”

Sean clucks his tongue. “I’ll have to think about it some more.”

They clean up the rest of the taco bell dinner and drain their mountain dews. Sean gets his listerine breath strips out of his pocket. “Uhoh,” he says, opening it. “Only one left.”

Axl has toothpaste in the bathroom, but it’s all the way in the bathroom, and he has a better idea. “Share it with me.”

“How?” Sean asks. Axl takes it from him. “Stick out your tongue.”

When Sean does, Axl lays the green film there. It melts instantly, but Axl is quick to stick the flat of his tongue against it too. It’s the sloppiest, mintiest kiss they’ve ever had. It’s also pretty amusing, and they pass a few minutes tonguing at each other’s tongue without using their lips until drool becomes a factor and Axl has to stop. Sean is still giggly.

He pulls away and gets out of the bed entirely, going after the guitar that he left on the kitchen table. “I made something up yesterday, want to hear it?”

“Yes!” Sean says.

Axl shrugs. “It’s not much yet, but this is what I have so far--” He strums a few chords and then picks out the little diddy that he came up with the night before, while trying NOT to think about Sean’s body. It isn’t very complicated but it’s soothing to play. Sean’s smile is too big for his face.

“I love it!”

“Cool, right?” Axl plays it on a loop, deviating in the moment with a cool hook that makes him feel like a total fucking rockstar. Sean puts his fingers to his lips and whistles. Axl laughs, and the words slip to the tip of his tongue, you should move in, we’ll start the band back up. He swallows, and focuses on the music. Asking isn't easy. He needs to say it just right if he wants Sean to say yes.

The music turns from idle picking to classic rock n roll, Axl’s go-to for escaping troubling thoughts. He leans into it with everything he has and is only distantly aware of Sean’s hoots and wails.

“You are so sexy right now,” he yells in complete seriousness. Axl’s fingers slip a little on the strings but he keeps playing, trying to be cool. “Yeah?”

Sean nods, looks down, and takes off his hat. His shaggy haircut is in an awkward phase between short and long, but just now he couldn’t be cuter. Axl stops playing he is so cute.

“I’m….ready,” he says. Axl’s brow wrinkles. He can’t be sure what he just heard. Sean gives him a look. “Let’s do something tonight. I’m telling you now, so you know it’s not the heat of the moment. It’s because I’ve thought about it a lot and I want it. I want you.”

Something lodges in Axl’s throat. Speechless, he swings the guitar to his back and grabs Sean’s face for a big kiss. He drags their hips together and bites Sean’s lip. Sean cups his ass, sneaks a hand up behind the guitar, beneath the back of his shirt, and nibbles a little on his chin. Axl manages to swallow the lump in his throat down enough to say, “Whatever you want, man.”

He puts the guitar down. They stumble to the bedroom. Sean ends up on his back with Axl between his knees again. When he palms Sean’s bugle, Sean bucks up into the touch and removes his jeans himself. Axl kisses him with a lot of tongue (a little throwback to the tongue game from earlier) and Sean hums with laughter for it. His pupils are blown, and he is shaking. Axl runs his hands over his thighs, praising them. Then he pulls down the elastic of Sean’s underwear.

Axl seals his lips around the head of Sean’s dick and sucks. Dropping his head back, Sean bucks a little into Axl’s mouth and almost comes right away, but Axl squeezes him at the base and calms him down repeatedly. In this way, he gets Sean to last while he improves the method he learned with Taco. It’s five times more fun now, listening to his best friend’s sounds of acute pleasure. Sean’s hot, velvety cock feels so good on his tongue and against his lips. Axl can't get enough, saliva running down his chin. He hears himself moan.

Sean runs his hands over Axl’s curls, cradling his head, pulling his hair when Axl sucks, so he sucks harder.

“Oh my….oh...aah!” When Sean comes, he barely gets out of Axl’s mouth in time. Two short ropes land on his cheek, hot and slick. Then another catches his chin.

Axl is shocked when it hits his face, and he thinks he should be humiliated or outraged but his whole body flushes hot, he gets hard and his heart soars. He falls irrevocably in love with Sean Donahue, because he feels owned by him, marked.

Sean sucks his own come from Axl’s face and kisses the hell out of him. Heart hammering, blood raging with lust, Axl can only hold on. Sean’s leg moves in between Axl's, and with a grunt Axl starts to ride it as he fucks into Sean’s mouth with his tongue. Sean thumbs at Axl’s nipples and captures Axl’s bottom lip in his teeth.

Axl is lost in the heat of the moment. The building pleasure feels good and he can't stop it, doesn't want to. With his boyfriend's arms looped around him, his beardy kisses so consuming, he isn't prepared for the crest of pleasure to roll through him.

Suddenly, Axl gasps into Sean’s mouth with this grunt and a stutter in his hips as he unloads a few spurts. Sean groans and bites his neck. Axl remains tense like a bow string, and grits, “Shit.”

Covering his eyes, he drops his head to Sean’s chest, reality of what he just did dawning clear through his orgasm burned mind. He’s murmuring “shit, shit, shit.” Did that just happen?

Sean runs his hands up Axl's spine. “Wow.” Axl lifts his red face from Sean’s chest and twists his lips into an apologetic tilt, “I know. Sorry,”

“For what?” Sean asks, touching the backs of his fingers to Axl’s red cheeks. They must be burning red because Sean’s fingers feel too cold. He sounds sincere when he says, “That was amazing.”

“Yeah,” Axl snorts with an eye roll, “I'm sure it felt like being reborn to feel me jizz in my pants against your thigh.”

“I liked it,” Sean promises, running his hands up and down his spine again. His hands slip beneath the waistband of Axl’s jeans, hands cupping Axl’s ass. “I like you. A lot. I want us to do this again. It was perfect.”

“Really? You didn't want more?”

“I’m--i’m probably going to save anal...y’know? For marriage. I should have told you that already. Fuck. I'm sorry.”

“Hey, no,” Axl puts their foreheads together, closes his eyes, breathes, and then--because he isn't surprised--he chuckles. “I'm on board with that. It’s what you want. I get it. I mean I thought...it’s not so embarrassing now, knowing that you weren't expecting more. So thanks.”

“You were trying to hold out to fuck me?”

“I thought I could make it special for you, you know. Like you've always wanted.”

“Well, you did. This is the best date ever. Ever.”

Flattered, Axl lets himself be kissed soundly, melting into Sean’s promise. It feels right for them. If they can have this much fun they don't need to do more. Plus, as Axl applies the new intimacy boundaries to the idea of living with Sean so soon, it feels less daunting. His heartbeat speeds up at the thought of asking Sean to move in, and he breaks their lips apart, “Um, my roommates,” Axl starts, breathless with sudden nerves.

“Oh, right,” Sean reaches for his clothes with a little laugh “we should probably get dressed in case they come busting in.”

Down to the wire, Axl can't do it. Yes, living in a constant state of this--one long date that doesn't end with sleep--sounds like such fun Axl can't wait, but he also knows Sean. He doesn't rush the important things. He saves penetrative sex for marriage. And Axl may not be asking just to secure a roommate anymore, but does wanting him to move in for constant sex any better of a reason? Is that why he is asking?

Everything is too vulnerable here with the electric sensation of sex still buzzing beneath their skin. Axl chickens out. He won’t risk pushing Sean away with such a wild proposal.

“Yeah, that would be so awkward,” Axl says, standing and slithering out of his spoiled pants, stepping into the tiny bathroom to exchange his underwear. His reflection in the mirror surprises him. His cheeks are flushed and his lips are swollen and raw from Sean’s beard. Looks like a hickey might already be coming in--yep. He has always bruised easily on the neck. Used to be embarrassing when Mom clocked the lovebites and asked prying questions. Now, though, it feels good to see lasting evidence of a good time. He wants everyone to see it, to know what he knew with Sean’s spunk on his face.

This second mark--more lasting than the spatters of come branding him--makes Axl’s chest constrict. It’s a little alarming, the intensity. Axl had liked it when Taco got his jizz all over his back or left hickies, but it hadn't ever felt like this.

This isn't fear of being alone or interest in having 24-7 date night. This is because it’s Sean Donahue. He touches Sean’s love bite with a little smile of happiness, but pulls himself together before going back out.

Sean has redressed and stretched out on the bed with his phone. “I think I’ve decided which school,” he announces.

Axl brightens as he slinks in and stretches out beside him, “Already?”

“Yeah. I mean, fixing hair is cool but it’s easier to make a real name for yourself in the food circuit. So, I’m doing culinary school. What do you think?”

“You love cooking! You were, like, the only guy in high school who talked about cooking dinner. I still don't even know how to do it for real.”

“It’s a brutal program. Peeling potatoes at 5am kind of stuff, but, dude, I am so excited!”

“That’s awesome!” he rests his head on Sean’s chest and hugs him. “I can so see you running a kitchen. Cooking amazing fancy foods.”

“I’m kind of nervous. You know how you can really love doing a thing but as soon as you do it for a paycheck it kills the passion? What if that happens?”

Axl hums sympathetically, but then he perks up. “I’d have a perfect way for you to do a test run buuuut my last chef kind of destroyed the kitchen, and I don't have the capital to fix it right away.”

“I love when you talk like a businessman.” Sean purrs. Axl grins into Sean’s torso, suppressing a giggle. “Hey, I might open a restaurant and hire you to be the head chef.”

“Only if I'm good. Your restaurant would deserve the best.” Sean’s fingers lightly scratch up and down Axl’s spine again.

“Well, I won't open one unless you’re a kick ass chef.”

“Good.”

Axl picks up the sound of his heartbeat, and closes his eyes. Ask-him. Ask-him. Ask-him, the rhythm says. Axl can't. God help him, he can't put himself out there so suddenly. What if Sean doesn't feel the same way?

Hutch and Kenny return within the hour, but neither of them will allow Sean to bow out. They insist over and over that “it’s cool,” and Hutch begs them, “Keep cuddlin’ your hearts out, dudes. I’m just gonna be doing my assigned reading.”

So they do just that. To Axl’s relief neither Hutch nor Kenny mention their new living prospects or how they’re leaving the RV so Axl doesn't have to broach the topic that is a storm inside of him. Sean pulls up Netflix on his phone--his parents still pay the bill and, for all the tension and fighting between them, Ron and Nancy don’t restrict him on how much data he uses--so they watch a few classics like Lethal Weapon and Mortal Combat. So as not to disturb Hutch’s reading, they use headphones, sharing a set.

Axl can hardly focus on the movies. His mind is much more interested in visualizing life should he actually share the RV with Sean soon. With no one to disturb, headphones wouldn’t be necessary. They wouldn’t even have to watch TV on phones or laptops because Sean’s uncle had gotten him a little flat screen TV for his dorm room. They could mount it on the wall there, cuddle and watch kick ass movies every night. Maybe Sean would come home smelling like food--maybe they would let him take home the fancy stuff he practiced making. Free food. Score. They could eat and live like kings together.

It feels so perfect, it hurts deep inside Axl. He wants what he can see, but so much it is out of his control. So much of it lies entirely in Sean’s hands. Would he want to live in a smelly old, severely damaged RV? A student of culinary arts living in a place without even a stove? What if the program has, like, cooking homework? Well, Hutch and Kenny might lend their stove to a professional in the making…

Sean’s lips kiss Axl’s temple, his big warm hand coming to rest on Axl’s forearm--locked as it is around Sean’s ribs--questioningly, and it’s only then Axl realizes he’s been squeezing Sean tighter and tighter.

“Sorry,” Axl whispers.

“I like it,” Sean whispers back and kisses his temple again. “Just maybe let me breathe.”

“I guess,” Axl sighs as if allowing as much puts him out. Sean chuckles. Actually, it might classify as a giggle.

“You take my breath away most of the time, Axl.”

“Ah, dude, that’s so corny.”

“You like it,” Sean insists, squeezing him and biting his ear lobe. Axl, giggling himself, happens to look up and sees Hutch looking over at them. With the earphones in, their conversation must be louder than they think in the quiet RV.

“We’ll be quiet, Hutch, sorry.”

“No problem here, man,” Hutch says, “You guys are just so sweet I’m going into diabetic shock.”

Axl lifts his middle finger at his long time friend.

:: :: ::

Sean graduates the first week of December, and, still finding himself in tense situations with his parents over all manner of topics, Sean has been camped, literally, in Nancy’s old pink black-friday-sales-line-pop-tent in the back yard. When Axl must give the RV to Hutch and his lady love for the night, he has them drop him off at the Donahue’s and, hands in his pockets, cuts around back.

“You must really hate your parents right now, dude,” he says when he gets a look inside it.

It’s not even big enough to completely stretch out. He has a body pillow, three sleeping bags, and a small electric heater running off a drop cord. Nothing else really fits in there. The rest of his earthly possessions--the few he still believes in keeping--are in his car.

“I don't hate them,” Sean says. “but it’s the principle of the thing by this point…. They were willing to support me through med school but the culinary academy--something I'm actually really passionate about--isn’t good enough. Dad says I have to pay rent if I stay in the house. So, here I am... Is it okay? It’s not forever. Just until I find a place.”

“Hey, I'm easy,” Axl says.

“Hellz yea,” he says, so much like a dork that Axl falls in love with him all over again. Sean catches him and drags him in, “Let the fun begin.”

They make out… and make out… and make out and Axl begins to get the idea that Sean is stalling. “Everything ok, dude?”

Sean blushes, “I’m trying to get the nerve to--you know. Blow you.”

It’s a delicious idea and Axl would be lying if he said he hasn't thought about it before, but honestly it isn't what's in his head right now. “You don’t have to.”

“I want to, I’m just--I’m nervous.”

“I'm not pressuring you for it, man. Do what you're comfortable with.”

“Okay,” Sean says, relaxing back into their kisses. When his bearded lips kiss Axl’s neck, his breath stutters in his chest. His cock twitches. “I love your hickeys.”

“You do?”

“Give me big dark ones,” Axl begs, “all over my body.”

“I can do that,” Sean says confidently. His big hands sweep under Axl’s shirt and pull it away. In doing so, his hands hit the top of the pink tent. They laugh. Sean follows the goosebumps that erupt on Axl’s skin, kissing and licking until he finds the most sensitive spots. His neck, his collarbone, his chest. Axl moans and shudders a little when Sean bites him. He sucks the longest on the groove of Axl’s left hipbone.

“Ah, yeah,” Axl whispers, “this is making me so hard.”

“It is!” Sean says, feeling of the rigid arousal in Axl’s shorts. His hot breath and tickling whiskers skate over the angry red spot he has been working on. He catches Axl’s eye and grins. “Wow.”

Axl sits up, kisses Sean and palms him. He is not fully hard yet, but getting there. Axl scrambles in the tight space of the tent, leaving sloppy fast kisses down Sean’s body, to the half hard cock and puts it in his mouth. Just as he had suspected, feeling the cock fill out over his tongue is hot enough to make him leak precome. He whimpers and drools as he works Sean’s erection back and forth over his tongue, feeling it stretch his cheeks and hit the back of his throat.

“I love your cock,” Axl says when he pulls off it briefly to catch his breath. Sean has both hands white knuckling the body pillow beneath his shoulders. His chest pumps heavily, “you’re so freaking good at that!”

“I want you to come on my face again,” he says, licking lightly at the slit. Sean nods. Axl goes back to work until Sean’s breaths shorten and his hips push forward. Axl pulls back and gets it across his nose, all over his lips and chin. The heat of the burning ooze crawls beneath Axl’s skin and shoots through his veins like a drug. He smiles, closes his eyes, and feels his heartbeat quicken. He gasps for breath, laughing dazedly.

Sean’s fingers march gently up his neck, and smear the mess on his chin. “Did you like that?”

Opening his eyes, he finds Sean’s face filling up his vision. Axl blushes and nods. “It’s weird how much. I think it’s…”

“Hm?” he asks.

“It’s you. Like the hickeys too. It's just so much better ‘cause they’re yours or something.”

Sean smiles broadly. Axl’s blush darkens beneath the spunk on his face, and then Sean is kissing him. He smears and licks Axl’s face clean again. Axl is sure to get out of his shorts this time and their naked cocks grind together as they roll all over the sleeping bags together, fighting for the top position.

With a growl that makes Axl’s blood fizzy, Sean exerts true strength and pins Axl to the ground. His heart hammers and he can't breathe. Sean’s biting kisses lead straight to his cock, where he isn't quite careful enough with his teeth.

“Ssst!”

Sean winces, turning red. “Sorry.”

“’Sokay, baby...gently.”

Sean’s mouth is all cushy lips and wet tongue. He slides on as far as he can comfortably and slides back off. His brown eyes are soft beneath the hopeful arc of his eyebrows. “Like that?”

Axl nods frantically. “Just like that. So hot.”

Lips tilting, brow settling into a set of concentration, Sean sucks Axl back into the ring of his lips and slowly builds up his speed. When he’s worked up considerable drool and started fisting the base that doesn’t fit in his mouth, it feels like a bomb is about to go off beneath Axl’s skin. Fire. He can't look away from it either.

It’s the longest bj hes ever received--past lovers had all elected to tease but never finish--and Axl hangs onto the body pillow too because he feels so powerful he can snap something in half. Holy crap! It just gets better and better! His body is twitching, trying to thrust up into Sean’s mouth. He does his best not to, biting back swears and just trying to breathe.

“I'm going to cum,” Axl warns.

Sean spits him out and jerks him until he breaks. It shoots straight up in the air and lands on Axl’s stomach and chest. They both exclaim loudly, one ragged the other amused. Sean is glowing when Axl finally refocuses on him.

“I thought only porn stars finished like that.”

“Never done it that hard before,” Axl slurs. He laughs. “It got some height, didn't it?”

Sean curls beside him and drags him close. They catch their breaths quietly, looking at the shadows cast upon the pink tarp enclosing them. They have maybe an hour of daylight left before nightfall. Axl wonders what they are going to do for light. Cell Phones, probably. He feels like he is falling and jumps, then laughs and rubs his eyes.

“You’re incredible, Axl,” Sean says. He draws lines down Axl’s back, "Do you think about me as much as I think about you?"

"Oh yeah, it's like constant for me,” Axl admits, “In the morning, at night, in the shower, in class, at work,"

"Me, too!" Sean beams, "I'm obsessed."

Axl giggles, "and I, like, have to keep reminding myself to shut up because no one wants hear so much about you."

"Exactly! The other night my mom told me if she wanted someone to talk her ear off about Axl Heck she'd hang out with Frankie more."

Axl goes to an elbow, "are you challenging my mother as my number one fan?"

"You bet," he murmurs, his long strong fingers closing on Axl’s bicep for a possessive squeeze.

“Any prospects on an apartment?”

“Unfortunately, the best deal I’ve found so far is Dad’s offer. But, man, I really don't want to stay here.”

“You’ll find something,” Axl assures. “Just stay positive. Follow your heart.”

:: :: ::

Hutch and Kenny bail the first day of the winter break, too excited to live in a real house again. Axl has seen the place; it's very reminiscent of the condemned frat house, but he can’t blame them for wanting the acres of space and thirteen outlets. They pack their things, bump knuckles with Axl and make plans for a housewarming party. Then Axl--the RV feeling weirdly light without his roommates or their books and clothes--heads for the Donahue’s with his anti-winter tarp flapping beneath the bunjie cords.

Sean has texted to let him know that with the news saying to bring all pets inside for the night, there is a temporary cease fire with Ron and Nancy and he is back in house, rent free.

The RV is still rolling to a stop when Sean comes darting out of the house. “Hey man!”

“Hey,” Axl says, pressing his lips to Sean’s in a greeting kiss after he bounds on board. He looks around at the weirdly clean living space.  
“Where’re the guys?”

“Got the place to myself all night. I thought we should take full advantage of not freezing our asses off. We can put my heater in the room with us and close the door. Toasty as hell.”

Sean raises an eyebrow, “Yeah? How did you bribe them to give you the space?”

“Well,” Axl scrunches his nose and scratches his curls behind his ear, “I, uuuh, I didn’t have to bribe them. They moved out. It’s all mine now.”

With a huff of surprise, Sean steps back, “What happened? You guys fight?”

“No,” Axl assures and explains about the old man and the suddenly available house. Looking around at the empty spaces where Hutch kept his laundry and the space where Kenny kept his stack of games and hoodies, Sean’s smile spreads wide, and he does a little happy dance.

“It’s going to be weird, huh? Being alone?”

“Yeah. I've never lived alone before,” Axl says.

“It’s hard at first,” Sean says with a nod. “I mean, if what I did even counts. I had my own room in the dorm house but, that's really no different than living at home with a bunch of siblings sharing a bathroom, you know?”

“I don't even have my own room at home, dude. I’ve shared with Brick forever.”

“Which is why you were comfortable here.”

“Exactly!”

Sean looks around, eyeing the spare cots. “I sort of regret I never had that experience, you know? At home, we all have our own rooms and then I never had to share the dorm with anyone. I feel like I kind of missed a major element of the college experience.”

“Sooooo, would you want to try it while you go to the culinary school?”

“You wouldn't mind?” Sean asks so suddenly Axl knows he’s just been trying to find the words to do it.

“No!” Axl cries jubilantly.

“Are we talking about moving in together already?”

“I don't know!” Axl says loudly. “I guess. You’re a college grad now. Technically it’d be right on schedule for you.”

“Schedules again,” Sean hangs his head to the side, “What did we talk about?”

“I know, I know! That's why even though I’m not done with school and I thought I’d date someone for a year or so before shacking up, I kinda seriously want you to go ahead and move in!”

Sean’s shoulders lower as his eyebrows go up, eyes shining, chest expanding, “Really?”

“We’ve only been dating for a few months so it’d be dumb if we just met, but we’ve been friends fifteen years. It doesn't feel rushed.”

“It would seriously help with the cost of culinary school if I don't have to pay rent on my own.”

Hanging his head sideways, Axl sidles forward with a cocky smile, “Then it looks like you and me are best friends, and boyfriends, and roomies.”

: : :

Sean empties his car straight into the RV, and enrolls in the spring semester of culinary school that same day. They spend Christmas and new year's with their families, announcing the advancement in their relationship and receiving relative openness and goodwill. There is a bump here and a snag there but nothing is hurt but feelings, which are mended with love.

The spring semester of 2017 has Axl taking a full load of classes and an intense internship, but with football season over, he doesn't have to go to practice which means he has a modicum of free time. He and Sean do a lot of hanging out, making out, fooling around, homework, house work and coupon clipping so that they can afford the fancy cheeses and seasonings for Sean’s cooking practice in Hutch’s kitchen.

It becomes one of Axl’s favorite things to do, to go grocery shopping with Sean. They don't do it like Frankie always had, rushing down isles, religiously only reaching for the store brand cheap stuff, loosely sticking to a routine list of the same old familiar junk.

Sean shows Axl a new way to shop. He meanders down each aisle, really looking at the labels, frequently checking his recipes, getting new unfamiliar things spur-of-the-moment if their budget allows.

Axl learns so many new tastes and fragrances, and fancy French words like bourbon yo, and he actually knows what they mean because Sean says them all the time and he lights up while on the subject so Axl is always paying close attention.

The hole in the RV--dealt with in the bitterly cold winter months with a patch of insulation covered in a tied down tarp--never does get fixed so when spring rolls around and Axl’s last ever finals are drawing nearer, they park in a field and pull the tarp and insulation away.

It has been a long day of resume writing and recommendation-letter-getting for Axl. He has a lot of balls in the air Future-Job-wise and is experiencing an odd moment of feeling pretty good about his chances. Sean, meanwhile, smells like lemon and grease after a long day in a kitchen classroom, and his finger is bandaged from a chopping incident.

Stretching out together in the kitchen, they look up at the stars through the hole, and talk about their day, their worries, and their upcoming schedule, and--of course--the future beyond those schedules.

“We should start looking for apartments in Indianapolis,” Sean says.

Axl snorts, “I might not get that job. It’s hella competitive. I only applied for the hell of it.”

“I think you'll get it. You're amazing like that.”

Axl lifts his head to peer over at his endlessly, endlessly supportive boyfriend, and he tries but his voice is still somewhat timid with hope, “You'd move out there with me if I do get it?”

“Hell, yeah, I can cook anywhere,” Sean smiles up at the stars. “I keep imagining us in this really kick ass place with, like, a full sized kitchen, and a terrace, and we have a living room that's styled like a conversation pit, and the master bedroom has a fireplace in it. But,” Sean snorts at himself, “Then i remember that we’re twenty three and at the entry level in our careers so what we’ll end up with first will be some third floor walk up with six locks on the door and the only thing we can see out the window is an alley where people get killed a lot.” as he’s talking, Sean combs hair back from Axl’s ear and kisses it, “But, you know, I'm actually cool with that. Because you’ll be there.”

Axl’s heart hurts and his fat stupid mouth doesn't feel eloquent enough as he echoes questioningly, “What we’ll end up with first?” The implied lifetime in that statement has sent Axl’s heart racing.

Sometime between Sean moving in and the starlight coming through the roof hole just now, the weight of forever has lost its threat. These days, Axl can get so lost in Sean that he finds himself begging the powers that be: please, give me just one little forever with him. Just one.

“You're right,” Sean sighs in response to Axl’s echo. He looks around at the worn down but mostly tidy RV, “This will always be our first home.”

Shit, Axl can only squeeze his eyes closed and hold on through the almost nauseating feeling of floating. Lips at his temple and a hand on his forearm has long since become Sean’s wordless request to not have the breath squeezed out of him--Axl has the bad habit of falling into these desperately clingy spells whenever he thinks too much about what Sean means to him. He heeds the by now familiar signal instantly, loosening his grip.

“You're so big in my heart, Axl.” Sean continues, “It sometimes feels like I'm gonna explode, but I still can't get enough.”

“I totally get that,” Axl huffs. His mouth has gone dry. It’s like Sean has put them in the front seat of a rollercoaster and it's climbing the hill. The big one. The one that makes the whole roller coaster famous. Strapped in with no control, he can only feel himself climb higher and watch the world fall away.

“You're my best friend, my best kiss, my best sex, you're-- just--the BEST, Axl. I'm so lucky I have you.”

You fucking have me, Axl vows in his head but outloud his instincts are kicking in. He has got to lighten this bitch or the pressure through the loop de loops will crush his chest. Axl bites his lower lip and he grins, rolls half onto his boyfriend playfully, "You say the gayest things."

Sean scrunches his nose up at him, touching his curls fondly, his voice equally light and teasing, “You love it.”

To that, Axl can only nod and confess, “With all my heart.” A tremor is his voice and a wobble in his lip serve to put the mood right back where it was before he lightened it. Sean touches his face. Axl leans into the caress.

So much is unsaid but understood between them. They first traded I Love Yous sometime in January as they figured out together how to secure the insulation and tarp in place while a heavy snow fell around them. Pink sniffy noses, white breath on the cold air, laughter swirling together with snowflakes through the night, Axl will never forget the way the words just fell out so naturally and sounded so right and felt so freeing. And Sean hit ‘em right back. And they didn't even have sex that night because it was too damn cold. They made hot chocolate in the microwave, snuggled in bed, and Sean helped Axl study for an upcoming exam.

Here now, those moments wash over Axl and he experiences--not for the first time and not for the last--an acute sense of losing his autonomy. He’s not a ‘me’. He’s a ‘we’.

“Remember your big schedule?” Sean breaks the quiet between them to ask, “That day you asked me to jump in with you?”

Axl nods, and he’s so hopeful it's terrifying--Oh, God, can it be?--

Sean’s eyes are shining, “It’s been almost a year. And I know i teased you about it, but, um… what do ya think about getting engaged right on schedule after all?”

A real and true sob of relief bursts out of Axl, and he’s nodding before he can find his voice-- and Sean is making this echo sob sound in response to that nod, eyes shining all the more brighter with tears--and Axl finally croaks, “Yeah, yeah, God yeah I'll marry the hell out of you.”

And Sean huffs a quick and low, “Thank God,” seconds before their mouths meet in a sloppy, tear blurred kiss. Sean’s right, it is ridiculously soon for marriage proposals. They’ll both decide later that the engagement will stand for a few years, and they won't tell their folks right away. Then they’ll make love there on the kitchen table, familiar hands and lips pulling their orgasms from one another as Sean leaves dark, hot hickies on Axl’s body.

For now, they kiss and they don't either of them see it but perhaps it's what they both feel in their souls: up above, a shooting star streaks through the heavens.

The End


End file.
